I was feeling pretty good about myself one day last week. I had done a minor good deed that morning, admittedly something that was thoughtful. Plus, I’ve been feeling so well lately, with good lab results and working nearly full time to boot, that my confidence has been increasing. I wasn’t going around bragging about myself, by any means, or even feeling boastful. It was much more subtle than that.
A couple hours later my wicked heart was again revealed. Nothing overt happened. I observed something and internally made a criticism. I repented, but then another came. And there, lying underneath my praises, morning greetings, and holy thoughts, crowding out my good deeds and good intentions, was my other cancer: pride.
He boasts about the cravings of his heart; he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord. In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. (Psalm 10:3,4 NIV)
Starting Small
When cancer begins forming in a person’s body, it doesn’t start out as a large tumor. Damage to one’s DNA causes the growth of abnormal cells, first one, then two, four, eight, sixteen, and eventually, millions. These abnormal cells spread to other parts of the body and crowd out the good cells. That’s what leukemia did to me: abnormal white blood cells prevented the growth of red blood cells and platelets, making me weak and prone to bleeding.
Chemotherapy works to kill the abnormal cells. But, in my case at least, the best bet for a cure is going straight at the source: my DNA. My DNA is damaged and won’t produce normal white blood cells, so I had a stem cell (bone marrow) transplant to remove it and replace it with a better version.
Like cancer, pride starts small, but it can also quickly become pervasive in our hearts and crowd out the good. I get extremely sensitive tests on a regular basis to detect infinitesimal amounts of leukemia so it can be treated before it becomes uncontrollable. Such experiences as the other morning reveal the underlying cancerous pride in my heart. Repentance and humility are needed before it, too, becomes uncontrollable.
The Cure
What is pride except saying that I don’t need God? I got this. I am sufficiently capable of making my own decisions and judgments. I don’t need your help. In fact, I have no reason to even think about you.
In my case, a moment’s thought and reflection brings full circle the stark reality of how much I do need him. I’ve had good lab results lately, but I still need you, Jesus. I am feeling really well and working, but I still need your healing, Lord. My family is safe and healthy, but we still need your provision and protection, Lord.
Pride is no less dangerous than leukemia. If given chance to take root, it grows into a tumor of self-reliance that ultimately pushes out any thoughts of God, bringing one lower and void of any real purpose. Like a bone marrow transplant, I need any residual corrupted DNA scraped from my heart and transplanted with Jesus. This is the only way to be cured of my other cancer.
A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor. (Proverbs 29:23 NASB)
Great post, Jeff! If I may, I would add that for a Christian, this is a continual process.
Thanks, Jess. I agree…it’s an ongoing process.