From the nodding of sunny daffodils to the fragrance of flowering crabapple trees, spring’s color explosion always refreshes my spirit and reminds me of new beginnings. The signs of rebirth and renewal bear witness to and point to the restoration Jesus promised us. It is both for today and for eternity though we may not always realize or acknowledge the truth of the resurrection in everyday life. Yet, in spring’s splendor, it becomes hard to deny.
The past few weeks, that resurrection power has seemed to elude my senses despite the colorful reminders, buzzing bees, dove’s nest in my wreath, and the abundance of sun. The weight of Jeff’s absence has pressed harder upon me at times. I have missed his wisdom, his sunny disposition, his consistent affirmation (especially as my last birthday edged me closer to 40). I needed him here to say, “Sweetheart, you are more beautiful now than the day we married.” You all know he would say that whether it was true or not. Smart guy!
Last week, I had a dream that portrayed my feelings about this season and also spoke to me about God’s purposes. It was about separation, my own grief and reluctance to let go of the past, and the encouragement I continue to receive from the Body of Christ (thank you to all who continue to pray, send cards or notes, and speak life to me). Of course, some of this was layered in strange “dream style” plot, but the Lord revealed it all very clearly. At the end of the dream, I was leaving the location, and in walked a family. I didn’t know them well, but I was talking to them. I started crying because I was so upset about not being able to find Jeff or talk to him. The next day, everything made sense except the family. Finally, the Lord revealed that they represented a new beginning. There is still grief over the old life, the life I shared with Jeff, but there is work to be done and people to love if I will overcome my fear of change and open myself up to them.
My devotional that morning reinforced the message. “Trust Me, and don’t be afraid…Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new…trust Me, and don’t be afraid,” (From “Jesus Calling,” italics mine). Through a series of events which I believe could only have been orchestrated by the Lord, we were able to make an offer that was accepted. Yes, we are buying a house. Talk about a new beginning…and a scary one for me! No wonder He repeated, “Trust me and don’t be afraid!” We are very thankful for this blessing and excited to see what else the Lord has in store for this “spring” season of our lives. Please continue to pray for the girls and I as we navigate the craziness of moving and selling our current home. Jeff and I moved into our current house on our first anniversary. It will be very hard to say goodbye. It will be scary, but I trust Him. I will not be afraid.
“I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towing rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge,
a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.
Let me live forever in your sanctuary
safe beneath the shelter of your wings.”
~Psalm 61: 2b-4 (NLT)
Jeff and I in 2003, around the time we bought our house.