I should have read the fine print when I signed up for cancer. They sure didn’t tell me about all the stuff that might happen during the course of battling this disease. Sure, I was warned about some of the common side effects from chemotherapy, the various medications, and other treatments that I would endure, but no body said anything about Sweet’s Syndrome, central nervous system involvement, Steven-Johnsons Syndrome, skin biopsies, and the host of other maladies I’ve had the privilege of experiencing. That’s what I get for not reading the entire contract.
I’m slowly typing this post on my laptop with the colors inverted (white font on a black background). I’m glancing at the notes on my iPhone, which I’ve also inverted the colors on for the last few days. This is about the only way that I can look at either screen. My eyes are very blurry and super-sensitive to light. It’s steadily gotten worse over the last week to the point where I had difficulty even keeping my eyes open yesterday. This is a side effect of the steroids (prednisone) I’m taking. Or the GVHD. Or the drug used in photopheresis to make my blood sensitive to UV light. Or a combination. Or none of the above. Eye drops only brought temporary relief, but pain medicine did help with the headaches.
Until today, that is. Christi posted to our Facebook page asking for prayer, and wouldn’t you know…it worked! The preservative-free eye drops I was prescribed yesterday made a significant difference, as did, most importantly, the prayers. I still can’t see much, but the difference from yesterday is noticeable.
Since I can’t read much I have been listening to more podcasts —sermons, leadership talks, etc.—and taking some good notes. The Stitcher and Evernote apps on my phone are a lethal duo for personal development. Give them a try. I started to call this post “Prayers, Prednisone, Podcasts, Preservative-Free Eye Drops, and Perspective,” but that’s taking alliteration a little too far.
Please don’t take this as complaining; it’s reality for a cancer patient. Managing the side effects of my treatment has been an ongoing battle since I was first diagnosed. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that the doctors are almost killing me in order to save my life. This is true for treating most cancers. I am taking medicine to combat the side effects of other medicine that I take to manage the side effect of yet another medicine.
I have to admit that there is another unintended side effect that I could not have foreseen: I now have emotions. I’m not kidding. I’ve always been more stoic than emotional, much to the chagrin of my wife. Not now. I remember praying before I got sick, asking God to make me more compassionate. Careful what you pray for, eh? He answered that prayer, and although I would have preferred an easier route to compassion, I wouldn’t change what He’s doing to me.
In addition to compassion, God is also giving me a fresh dose of perspective. Sure, I can feel pretty miserable in my current circumstances, but I’m feeling this way as a result of being healed! I could feel awful because the cancer has relapsed, but it hasn’t. My eyes hurt but I can still see! How many people would love to have their vision restored, even if it meant hurting eyes? My skin rash is getting a little worse, but that’s because I have a new immune system that is working! God, thank you for the itching! Perspective is a valuable tool.
God is more concerned with our character than our comfort. Our suffering, in whatever form that takes, produces perseverance, which in turn develops our character. Jesus is the standard and it’s God’s desire that our character becomes more like his. I’m a long way from that standard, but I’ll take some itchy, crying eyes to get me closer.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3 NIV)
You and your family are an amazing inspiration!
Thank you! By the grace of God we’re hanging in there.
God bless you
He has!
Thank you for perspective. I’m in the throes of psoriasis with a vengeance, (itches) and the inflammation has affected my vision (difficulty reading). I, too, am being healed, but am not always so thankful for this opportunity. God (continue to) bless you and your sweet family.
Honestly, I’m not always thankful either. I have to be continuously reminded of His Grace. Praying your complete healing comes soon.